dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
