I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
