if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
