i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
