Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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