Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need to calm my uterus...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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