I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
