We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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