My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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