you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
