What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
