You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I CAN MOONWALK!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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