Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
