they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
