i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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