rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
