you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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