I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
