I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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