your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
