alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
