I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
