I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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