I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
