he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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