he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
