are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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