how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
