I accidentally burped into my bong.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
