the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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