she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Text me some of your sweat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
