advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
