sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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