Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
