this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
