i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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