My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
