3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
