his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
