dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
