I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
