seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
