I'm pants shitting drunk right now
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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