woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's official drugs can't kill me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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