She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
