Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
