He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
