I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
