I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
