just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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